Movies - What I just Realised

So the other day I started watching at least one movie a night. Why you ask? Well because lately I haven't been giving myself time to breathe. I would go to classes, come home stressed and go to bed--then I'd have nightmares that terrifies the crap out of me. So anyways, I re watched a few classics like UNDER SIEGE (When Steven Segal was pretty good for an actor), Commando (of course! With Arnold), Rambo: First Blood and a few others. Movies I used to watch when I was a kid. Then I decided, well, since I enjoyed those so much, let me try something else. So I re watched The Mummy (*purrs* Brendan Fraiser), The Hangover (classic--they just don't know it yet) and the list goes on and on. 

The other day I decided, let me go WAY out of my box. You know sometimes when you go to the video store, or the movie theatre and you stand there looking up at that huge sign that tells you what movies are playing and what time and you see that one movie that stands out to you that you know is gonna suck but you decide to go see it anyways? Well, that is how I feel after watching A DANGEROUS MAN and UNDER SIEGE 2 with Steven Segal.  But in my defence, UNDER SIEGE one kicked ass! *runs around room doing karate chops and making machine gun sounds* So I figured, UNDER SIEGE 2 can't be that bad--right? Right? Other than the fact that I, a movie buff, who worked in a video store for years never heard of it--it can't be that bad--right? WRONG! OMFG! This movie was horrible. Bad acting, bad acting, BAD ACTING! The only thing that made this movie tolerable was a young Morris Chestnut...and that's barely!

I mean dude, because you were on a ship the first time doesn't mean you must go to a train next! WTF!? Well at least they didn't do a bus (Speed reference there...if you didn't hate Speed 2 like I do you won't get that one).

So onward to A DANGEROUS MAN with the same actor. At the end I sat there, blinking, thinking "WHY! WHY!!!!" Halfway through the movie Steven is in a sex scene with this chick who was supposedly his movie wife but she betrayed him after he went to jail for a crime he didn't commit--*breathes* Steven Seagal in a sex scene...say it with me....ewwwww!

 I swear, Steven Seagal should really STOP making movies. This movie is slow with horrible acting and half the time he's sitting down. Then to make things even more disturbing **SPOILER ALERT** (though I don't know why you'd even go waste an hour and a half of your life after I told you this movie blows big baby chunks) he ended up with a young girlfriend who--is young enough to be his daughter in real life! How sick is that?

So here's what the movie is about...k? Steven Seagal, ex military (of course) gets arrested and convicted for killing some guy who attacked his wife. Sure, he was wrongfully convicted and spent six years in prison. While he was there, his wife decided that she wanted out so she sent him a dear john letter in prison.  (Notice how they are no longer married and there was no divorce paper signed or anything). So right after that, new evidence turns up he gets released. The same night he's released, he witnesses a crime, helped a guy out, broke a few necks, blew up a few cars blah blah blah. The guy he helps out just had to be the son of a Russian mob boss and now the Mob boss owes good ole Stevie a favor.  Sounds like a good movie, right?

But anyways here's what got me about this movie--The movie had WAY too many bad guys. The Russian Mob, The Chinese Triad and Dirty cops--wait no...I think the Russian mob became the good guys at the end--wait, no...the Chinese Triad became the--see my point? At the end everyone was shooting at everyone and we had no idea what in the hell was going on. Bombs, neck breaking, stabbings, gun shot to the head--it was all a bloody confusing mess.  This movie blows baby chunks...wait that's putting it too nicely...what's worse than saying "this movie sucks"? Erm, this movie tanked, sucked, stunk up the joint, rated worse than the Rotten tomatoe website can give it---ok I'll stop...

Now here's what I think--most of us go to the movies or where ever we watch our movies and we go in with an expectation. But we should know better than that when certain people (Steven Seagal) is in the movie we should prepare for the worse.  I am tired of hearing people saying, that they wanted their money back because they thought a movie was going to be so awesome but it end up tanking.  OK for example THE CONDEMNED with Stone Cold Steve Austin.   This movie got very little credit. The movie wasn't the best movie ever made but going in I know that it wont be good for it's breath-taking dialogue or it's romanticism of the Convict culture. I expected the acting to be lacking and shit to go wrong.

But the thing is, Stone Cold held his own--he did. I was actually quite proud. He kicked some ass and took some names, but emotion when needed was all over his face.  Sure he wouldn't win an oscar, but the guy held his weight. That movie was way better than UNDER SIEGE 2 or A DANGEROUS MAN. What does that tell you?

Going into this movie, I wanted to just let off some steam after a hella long day. I didn't want complications or drama--hell I didn't want to think. But I enjoyed this movie because I wanted to be entertained---I wanted to see a sexy stud like Stone Cold (purrs) to be put in a situation that he had to fight his way out and return to his lady love all bruised and want nothing more than to fall into her arms and stay there forever. I wanted a strong silent hero--a hero that just doesn't take crap from anyone.  I wanted a hero that isn't afraid to snap a few necks but has a heart of gold. I wanted dirty CIA agents, and Cops who are willing to fight for what's right. I wanted cute, cuddly little boys that play football with each other in the front yard. I wanted corny lines to make me laugh. I wanted stuff to blow up, people to fall off cliffs, guns to go a'blazing, Japanese Karate sexy stud that turned out to be one of the worse bad guys EVER! I wanted crimminals that all they wanted was to find their way to each other again and the bad guy to get their come-uppance-es. I got that.

I got all that--what does that mean? I was thoroughly entertained.  Which means I am going to search for Stone Cold's movie DAMAGE and watch it right after watching episodes of NASH BRIDGES that he was on....ahhh good times...

I think it's time we stop putting these actors on a pedastal so they can disappoint us when they really suck in a movie. Take a movie for what it is due to who is in it. Don't go in looking for some highly complicated story line if it's a movie created by WWE Films. Expect raw violence and heads being cracked open.  If a movie stars a wrestler, chances are it's going to tank if you go in expecting some intellectual enlightenment. That's all am saying.

Anyways,
Past this falcon's bed time.

Kato Under Construction