Humbug Indeed....

Hey All, this is gonna be a sad one.....you have been warned.....

It's that time of year again and I dont know but as I get older Christmas always me depressed. I dont know, but maybe it's because it's getting to be a new year and my life hangs in the balance or maybe I'm just a depressed person but I now know how scrooge felt. I just want to go through Christmas day like it never existed and then sleep through new years eve.

There is something wrong with me, I know there is. My doctors said that I am healthy. That its normal to be 'confused.' I dont know if I'm confused but what do they know? Right now I feel worn out, tired, angry, sad...I am second guessing myself more than usual. I guess the thing is that I am looking too high. I mean I want things in my life and its really quite simple. I just want to be happy.

That's not too much is it?

Apparently it is because this, 2007, is another year that I can't get what I wanted. All my so called friends except two missed my birthday and it may sound petty but the truth is, I spend the rest of the year giving them advice, helping them, solving their problems, cleaning up their messes, being there for them when they need me, fielding phone calls, and I ask for one day out of 365! Just one day and even that was too much to ask. Sometimes I wonder what the point is but then again I figured if I want to know, I should just keep on going just to find out how much worse life can get.

Life is like a movie, the characters should never ask how much worse things can get because they always seem to get much worse. I guess I am a sucker for punishment...I am so damn tired. Everyone else is happy around me and while I am happy for them they cant seem to see how much I am hurting. But its all good. I will stay in my shadows, keep to myself and hopefully I can figure it out. I dont know how long it will take but I have to get to it.


Your Gurl,
Lady Falcon